| Feedback may have several purposes – it may
be information that expands a person’s information about themselves and
the effect they have on others; it may expand the person’s range of
choices; and it may be intended to support or discourage certain behavior.
Feedback is likely to be more effective if:
- The person receiving it acknowledges the need for it;
especially if the person requests it
- It is timely; given near the time the behavior has
occurred
- It is skillful
Skillful Feedback
- Be descriptive, provide information that describes
the behavior and its impact on you; restrict the feedback to what you
know (e.g., behavior you have seen and how it has impacted you).
- It is about the giver of the feedback, not the person
receiving the feedback. It is an exploration of the effect the person’s
behavior has had on you. (note – the same behavior may not have that
effect on others).
- Avoid exaggeration ("you always get this
wrong"), labeling ("you are stupid"), and judgment
- Speak for yourself ("what I feel/experience when
you …." ) not for others ("Everyone gets upset when you
….")
- Don’t press the person for any immediate response
- Face to face – not by e-mail
Skillfully Receiving Feedback
- Listen – if something helps you to listen do that,
e.g., take notes, ask someone else to make notes on the feedback so
you can focus on the speaker
- Ask questions to clarify – "could you give an
example of that?", "when did that happen?", "who
else was there?
- If others where present during the behavior the
feedback is about; ask them to offer feedback, what was the effect on
them
- Acknowledge valid points
- Open yourself. Do not get defensive (you may feel it,
don’t act it). Stay focused on hearing what is being said.
- Take time to think about what has been said; if a
response is necessary tell those offering the feedback that you will
think about it and offer some response on a specific date.
A formula for giving feedback
1. "When you ……" Note the behavior;
describe it as specifically as possible.
2. "I felt …." Tell how the behavior affects
you. This is just one or two words – frustrated, angry, pleased, etc.
3. "Because I …" Share why you are affected
that way.
From Feedback to Negotiation of the Relationship
4. "I would like …" What would you like the
person to consider doing.
5. "Because …" Why you believe it will help
6. "What do you think?" Invite and hear the
response; explore options
©Robert A. Gallagher, 1989,1999
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